I'll freely admit that the calendar is rather arbitrary, as is much of language itself (I won't say "all language," since there may well be deep structures in language, but much of it functions at a far more surface level; regardless, this is not a post about language, so...)
Anyway, the calendar. The cycle of months rolls over, incrementing the year-o-meter by 1. A new year, a time for resolutions: the beginning of your "new" (and, hopefully, improved) life. Every day is a new beginning but New Year's Day (and, for slackful types, the whole "near the beginning of January" days) are an especially significant (though, again, relatively arbitrary) point of re-creation.
Resolutions are really about "who will you be this year?" I often by-pass resolutions, seeing as how I "know" I'll blow them before Valentine's Day. How does that answer the question of who I will be? It seems to answer it by saying, "I'll be the person I've always been, continuing to coast along with my self in status quo." Have I arrived at all I want to be, all I believe I should be, all that I (in my heart of hearts) would be? No. I mean, sure, I'm an alright guy. Most of you wouldn't hate me if you knew me. Is that all that is in my soul, to be alright? (
emphatic note: "alright" is not to be confused with "all right" which implies a level of perfection that I would not claim in my wildest delusions of grandeur. I don't think so, anyway...) No "alright" is probably not enough. Whether the journey is the reward or there is a reward at the end of the journey, merely "coasting" is not enough.
So, what to resolve, and in what form to make the resolutions? Blogging? Private oath? Personal journal? Accountability partner? Each answer to "what form" has something to recommend for itself, none are "right" or "wrong." What to resolve? Ah, easy, to be a better person! And what defines "a better person"? There's the rub. Because I think that our understanding of that changes as we ourselves grow and change. It would have to, wouldn't it, since once you've fulfilled whatever criteria you know have for being a better person, there would be some other level which you might then realize is "better" than who you are now. The more good we become, the more we realize how much better we could become.
Are we doomed to be on the human equivalent of a hamster's exercise wheel: always running but never arriving? Is there no place for contentment? The answer, from considering the above, seems to be no. Contentment would allow coasting.
The paradox is to maintain both contentment and striving. To accept who you are, where you are, what you are, and to not feel a sense of failure for the reality of your present is-ness. Yet at the same time, to be able to see the journey ahead, to realize the steps that will move you further along the path you see (and, more than likely, some paths you don't yet see). To neither beat ourselves up nor praise ourselves for where we are, but to recognize it and accept it with grace (and, as far as possible, good humor), and then to continue to walk: neither crippled by our past nor enticed to rest on our laurels, knowing that even when we realize we have made a mistake along the way,
it is a good thing to have realized it (at whatever point we realize it) and then to continue on the path we choose (and sometimes that means turning around and driving 27 miles back down the road to the nearest convenience store to ask for directions). [
Ed. note: that was one long, run-on sentence, ugh!]
What am I saying? How should I know? These thoughts should have been thunk early December, to allow time to flesh out all of the details, to figure out my "resolutions" for being who I want to be this year. But, as the name says, I'm a slacker. Too often content to coast, when I should be pedaling and steering. The brain's working a bit now in the right direction. 2008 will be a year to move forward (whatever direction that may be) and to try to become the "me" I sometimes glimpse out of the corner of my mind's eye. My hope and prayer is that each of you will find a way to make 2008 to truly be the beginning of the rest of your life.
