The Couple That Slays Together

"THIS! This is why we can't have nice things!" my wife screamed as she used her broadsword to lop off the head of the zombie that was reaching for her throat.

That was three she had taken down, and I had only decapitated two. She was winning, but there were three more in our living room, so I still had a chance. Loser has to go to ValuStuff and buy the replacements. Sure, all the money came from the same account, but it just gets embarrassing to have to buy a new coffee table every week. Not to mention lamps and occasionally the couch. I'm sure the staff of VS think we're into some weird stuff. And they're right, but they really have no idea.

I took off a zombie's head with my hand scythe (yeah, yeah, but I hate the word "sickle"), and then used my twelve gauge to blow another one's head away. I just needed to take the third one out...

...but she stood there, smiling, her broadsword hanging loosely at her side and a seriously ugly zombie head swinging in her other hand.

I mock grimaced, and then grinned. "We go together?"

She grinned back. "I'll get the keys."

The Moment of Judgment

"you have sinned!"
the emerald-clad Wrath of God looms above me,
his pale finger,
a lightning bolt of judgment frozen in this moment,
hovers a heartbeat away from from my own heart's last beat;
his cold eyes,
pure white fire blazing from a bone-colored face,
hold no pity,
no mercy,
no compassion,
and in those eyes i see
that no reasonable argument,
no heartfelt remorse,
no desperate pleading
would stay this divine executioner's hand,
and so, with closed eyes and bowed head,
i await my final earthly punishment,
my last experience in this life
before my new birth
as eternally living food
for the poison-fanged, burning worms of perdition's dung pits.
my heart beats,
the bolt strikes my head,
and I begin to scream
forever