expectations

forty plus hours of meetings and desk work,
and I'm expected to know all the latest in
theology,
philosophy,
technology,
cataloging,
current events,
current literature,
and
anything else
anyone might want me to know

no time for hands-on with the technology, but I'm expected to
troubleshoot,
configure,
recommend,
step-in,
and explain why things are the way they are--
don't spend time with it,
but be responsible for it;
let IT handle it,
except when they can't act as quickly
(or as psychically)
as we'd like;
remind me
(without words)
that I'm a failure for not being able to fly with it

my house is a mess
(and my apartment's none too tidy, either)
my health report has my real age about six years
older
than my birth certificate
six years
closer to dying, closer to crying

my house is haunted
but the ghosts are all gone;
the spirits,
the faeries,
the gremlins,
the dryads,
the elves
...all gone
what do you call a haunted house
that's no longer haunted?

where again is that living water
where is that bread
that wine
that view of the world where
everything
just fits?