Blatant Advert

StarOffice, Sun's commercial version of the runaway open source office suite OpenOffice, is now available for free (for Windows users) via Google's Google Pack. Google Pack is an amazing selection of free software lovingly selected by the always cutting edge cats at Google to provide Windows users with the best software money can't buy. If you're looking for an office suite and have not jumped on the OpenOffice bandwagon yet, give StarOffice a try.

Looking for... what?

How has escapism helped? Is reading fiction escapism? Is dreaming escapism? Is hope? Does fantasy have a place in the life of a critical realist? How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? How many demons can run in the memory of a server? What does "I'm peachy" mean from someone who doesn't like peaches? What, ultimately, isn't natural? Are some foods supernatural in origin? If McDonald's isn't natural, does that make it supernatural? McManna? Natural vs. Supernatural or Natural vs. Artificial. Unless you're eating outside off the carcass or the vine or branch, some human artifice has likely been involved. Supernatural - God's artifice. Artificial - human artifice. So what's natural? When God and humans stay out of it? If you believe in God, how can anything not be supernatural? If you don't, how can humanity be anything but natural? Wishing you were all here...

Stardust and Other Quick Tidbits

Stardust the movie was different from Stardust the novel. Usually, that means the movie was bad ("I can't believe how they ruined such a great book!"). In the case of Stardust, however, we have a great movie loosely based on a great book, and they both are very good for what they are!

In other movie news, the collector's edition of Serenity is coming out this month. Bloody marketing departments...

Bookwise, William Gibson has released Spook Country, so I need to get my name on the public library list asap. Gibson's 1984 debut novel Neuromancer won three major science fiction awards (as well as introducing the word "cyberspace" into the English language). While there was cyberpunk fiction before Neuromancer (both actual cyberpunk like Rudy Rucker's Software, as well as proto-cyberpunk, like John Brunner's Shockwave Rider), Neuromancer provides a highly visible successful starting point for framing the cyberpunk movement (Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash is, arguably, the last great cyberpunk novel. It was published in 1992).

Elsewise, the remodeling nightmare continues to become more and more Freddy Krueger-like. I'm still emphatically hopeful that come Halloween, we'll have a Very Pretty library... otherwise, I hope the library slashes me sooner rather than later. Well, it's not really as bad as all that (but some moments it feels that it is ;-)

White Wolf's Changeling the Lost is due out this week. The first version of Changeling was (as I've mentioned before) my favorite rpg that I never played. However, I've heard very bad things about White Wolf's reboot of their World of Darkness, so I will admit to being a bit afraid of what Changeling will look like this go-round.

Oh, and speaking of gaming, another bit of my childhood dies. As of issue 359, Wizards of the Coast has decided to end the publication of Dragon magazine. In my early days of pre-Internet gaming, Dragon is what connected me to the wider world of D&D. While I know monthly dead-tree pulps are no longer the primary source of news for hip young wired gamers, I will confess to having felt a bit of sadness at the news. Call me a dinosaur if you will (and "velociraptor" if you please), but I still like flipping through magazines.

Well, beyond my old man's aches and pains, I got nothing more, so... later, gang!

panic

the pounding of my heart
is strangling me.
harder to breathe,
to think,
to see and hear and touch...
each beat
and my head goes
blank,
i feel nothing but panic:
ice cold
and sweating.
i swallow a lungful of air,
and then...
another heartbeat.

i want to run,
to scream,
to explode,
to hide,
to faint,
(my hands won't stop shaking)
everything seems
a million miles away:
the sounds,
the sights,
every thing is fleeing,
everything except the fear:
i feel it
with every nerve,
all too close,
possession,
the demon of adrenaline
has me body, mind, and soul;
i smell its
overpowering stench,
my stomach is twisted and tight,
like my fists,
white-knuckled and clenched
(when they open, they keep shaking)
i cry,
breathing in sobbing gasps,
and then...
another... damned... heartbeat

Quick Update

Out sick... county fair weekend with the kids (and rain)... finished HP7 and a re-read of Stardust and almost finished with The Dawkins Delusion?... the re-modeling will not likely be finished before the students get here... took XP off my machine at home (so now it's 100% slack)...

Laughing, singing, walking... dizzy, delighted, delirious... Wandering and wondering, not so much waiting as being (maybe...)

Unsuffer Me

A song from Lucinda Williams' most recent disc, West. No particular reason I'm posting it, except that I like the lyrics. Like most good love songs, this could be the soul's cry to God.

Unlock my love
and set me free
come fill me up
with ecstasy

surround my heartbeat
with your fingertips
unbound my feet
untie my wrists

come in to my world
of loneliness
and wickedness
and bitterness
Unlock my love

Unsuffer me
Take away the pain
Unbruise unbloody
Wash away the stain
Anoint my head
With your sweet kiss
My joy is dead
I long for bliss

I long for knowledge
Whisper in my ear
Undo my logic, undo my fear
Unsuffer me

Unlock my love
And set me free
come fill me up
with ecstasy
unsuffer me
Take away the pain
Unbruise unbloody
Wash away the stain

surround my heartbeat
with your fingertips
unbound my feet
untie my wrists

come in to my world
of loneliness
and wickedness
and bitterness
Anoint my head
With your sweet kiss
My joy is dead
I long for bliss

I long for knowledge
Whisper in my ear
Undo my logic, undo my fear
Unsuffer me

What I Won't Post

A strange dialog between Daria Morgendorffer and Eric Cartman pretty much wrote itself as I was staring at an empty Notepad document. Unfortunately, Cartman got a little crude (as usual) and I really feel it necessary to censor the post. Basically, it was a post-breakup discussion after Daria dumped Cartman (yeah, I know, I know... how could it have ever been in the first place? That was answered as well).

In other news... well, there is no other news. You may return to your life, completely unaffected by what you haven't read here.

What Do Other People Really Think About You?

The conversation between myself, one of my sisters, and my children, as the kids and I were taking off after this past weekend's visit down to Southern Illinois:

Me: Well, we're not going to go straight to [the kid's mom's house]. I'll probably take a few side trips along the way.

Sister (to my kids): Is your dad adventurous?

Kids (with more than a hint of exasperation ): Yes!

Son: Dad's like a cross between Peter Pan, a monkey, and a mad scientist.

Sister: Well, I can see Peter Pan and a mad scientist, but I don't get the monkey.

Me: You know, Darwin.

Sister: Oh, right, the monkey from the Wild Thornberry's. I can see that.

Me: I meant Charles Darwin, the theory of evolution?

Son: No, I meant Dad acts like a monkey.

St. Jude

No, not the patron saint of lost causes (although that would be terribly appropriate for me), but Jude Milhon, known far and wide in the geek communities as "St. Jude." A talented programmer and counter-cultural icon, she is attributed with coining the terms "cypherpunk" and, more famously, "hippie." (At least so claims the Wikipedia). Although a native Midwesterner, she was definitely part of her adopted California culture (can you say "Berkeley"?)

Today marks the fourth anniversary of her death. She is missed by those who knew her, as well as those of us who only knew of her.

Quotes (again, lifted from Wikipedia):

"Hacking is the clever circumvention of imposed limits, whether imposed by your government, your IP server, your own personality, or the laws of physics." — St. Jude

"If we can't have sanity, we can fake it with humor. Humor gives you the same distance from the situation, the same metaview, only laughing is easier than sanity and possibly more fun." — St. Jude

The Sermon I Need to Hear Today

"...the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom."
---Koheleth

Why am I so stupid? Probably because I haven't traveled very far down the path of wisdom. In fact, it's safe to say that I usually take a couple initial steps down the path, and then I turn back and follow more comfortable paths: the path of reason, the path of self-reliance, the path of pleasure, the path of despair, really, any path but the one that will actually get me somewhere that I want to be.

It's not that the path is hidden. God Almighty has spoken His Word, incarnated His Word, and sent His Spirit. Humility. "Islam" means submission, which would be a great name for a religion. Submitting humbly to the Creator and Ruler of the Universe, the One whose holiness judges you and whose love redeems you. Sounds easy. Why do I always flee from that path?

Because it's not so easy, at least not for me. Humble submission means accepting that God is God. Easy enough under a clear blue sky on a gentle spring day. Trickier under the smoking ruins of a 9/11 or the muddy, bloody aftermath of a tsunami or a Katrina. God is God Almighty. He could prevent these things. In His wisdom, He doesn't.

But I usually can't accept that. So I backtrack off the path of the fear of the LORD and head down the path of reason. I invent explanations for why bad things happen (or, more often, seek the arguments of others). God allows free will, so bad things happen. God does not know free future events, so bad things can happen and surprise Him. He can change His mind in response to changing events. (Ah, the open theists help make this line of reasoning so much easier...)

Or, perhaps, God has already predestined the good from the bad, and everything is working out as it should for the best possible way. This might sound like humility, but I think that this kind of Calvinism is also a form of the path of reason. We argue that God has a plan, if only we could see it. And this plan involves some people dying in horrible ways and other people going through fates worse than death.

Or we argue that God does not cause the bad things, nor allow them for His master plan, but they happen because we live in a fallen universe. And God, whose will cannot be thwarted, finds a way to make all things right. He draws straight with crooked lines, as Chesterton once quipped.

But... the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom. God is God. God Almighty. Whatever happens happens by His divine allowance. And that is good and right, for He is God. Why does He allow evil? Because He is limited, because He is cruel, because it fits into a Master Plan? Maybe the answer is to trust in God. He laid the foundations of creation at the beginning of time. He has promised a final consummation of history with a new heaven and a new earth.

Who am I to ask why some small moment in history occurs the way it did? I, who know there is a Creator, but live too often like there is not. I, who spit in the face of redemption by wallowing once more in the mud of sin. I do not live out fully the answers and callings He has put before me in His Word, why should I expect to understand those things He has kept hidden? Like Job, I am ashamed of my arrogance. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, but it is only the beginning. How much closer to being a saint would I be if only I could stay on that path?

Instead, I too often answer His question to Job like a good modern: "I am a human being. And yet, if I could, I would spare people the loss of their loved ones, I would spare their innocence from the touch of the predator. If I was in charge of all nature, then all disaster would be unnatural, for I would end hurricanes and floods and earthquakes. Why can I be so good, so compassionate, so caring for these strangers I've never met, and You, their Perfect Creator, let all of this happen to them?"

The path of arrogance. Why, if I were even Superman, let alone God, I would do more than Yahweh seems to want to do. The path of arrogance, the exact opposite of the path of wisdom.

And it's not just the question of evil. Why demand faith in an invisible, inaudible, undetectable, unverifiable deity? If I were God, people would know it. I would not hide from them. If I expected them to be in awe before me, I would give them undeniable evidence that I am awe-worthy. Not just for 30 years to a small rural backwater of the Roman empire, but always. Why does He hide?

And, of course, there are theological answers. The path of reason steps up to the plate. We step in as God's lawyers, defending Him to His critics. God needs a lawyer? Is the path of reason a side street leading to the path of arrogance?

The fear of the LORD. I distract myself from that. There are issues to discuss, to address. Even ministries to do, time is short, I gotta get moving... for Jesus, of course. My Friend, My Redeemer, My Co-pilot. Co-pilot? Can I even fly the plane at all? Do I look to that still small voice and experience fear: awe, reverence, humble submission, trust? Sometimes. But, sadly, usually not. God calls for my effort, my best... like an athlete, I got to step it up a notch to reach for the prize (hey, even Paul said something like this, right?)

Martha, He said, Mary has chosen the one needful thing.

Is there no place for thinking, for reasoning, for activity, for serving? Of course there is. We are called to be the living body of the Word in this time and place. But not the living body of our will, not the living body of our plans. His body, His will, His plans. Everything we do must be done in the context of the road we're on. And there is only one road that leads where we say we want to go, the road of Mary, of reverent attention and humble submission to our God.

God, help me to bend my knee before you. Break my heart, my will, knock me off the way of pride and help me to begin---and remain--on the path of wisdom. In Christ's name I ask...

Nothing to See Here, Move Along

The library remodeling is at that "Things Appear to Be Moving Really Slowly" phase (and I'm feeling like I'm not moving much faster...)

Summer is a weird time to be a grown-up. As a kid, summer was magical (even though I was, and still am, a fan of autumn). Now, it just seems hot and humid and electric bills are too high and gas prices are too high. When I was younger, the heat didn't seem to matter so much. I understand the difference between being responsible for bills and being a child, and I truly have no desire to go back to any point in time. I like being where I'm at in life, I liked getting here (mostly), and I suspect I'll enjoy (most of) the future... except for the bad bits. But... where did summer magic go to? Is it like other childish things, something one puts behind, or is it just misplaced, waiting to be found behind some forgotten box of memories yet to be?

PS - Retraction to the Slackware Store being insecure. It's plenty fine secure. My browser must've been balking at things that day :-)

Why I Am So Sick and Tired All the Time

The four basic food groups:
Caffeine, sugar, salt, and fat.

The perfectly balanced meal:
Mountain Dew and Doritos.

Another Week, Another Pint

Welcome to this week (or the second day of this week if you keep time the traditional Christian way, rather than the secular work-week way). I have nothing to say, except that I am grateful to be here, at this time and place, and to know those of you whom I know (which, at various levels, is all of you). I hope this day provides some pleasant surprise for each of you!

Temporary "Promotion"

Self-appointed benevolent dictator for life (well, a couple of weeks anyway!)


Actually, there's no way on earth I'd want to be the director. Not my kind of calling, I'm afraid. I'll stay in my Spock/Riker role, thank you very much! (Riker's beard, Spock's heart, for those interested
:-)

Slack News

Slackware 12 release candidate 1 is out!

I actually thought I might pre-order the thing, to show my support for all of Pat's hard work. Imagine my shock to find the Slackware online store to have a little slash through the lock on the screen where it asked for my credit card number! Um, unencrypted, insecure financial transactions are not my First Choice in ways to make my money disappear. I'll have to find some other way to transfer my money into the project... Historically, when I've purchased official releases, I've bought them from cheapbytes.com, but lately cheapbytes hasn't been carrying the official discs.

Anyway, Slack 12 will dispense with the 2.4 kernel and be a 2.6 only release (or so I've been led to believe). This is good news, since Slack is just about the only major distro still defaulting to 2.4. My only concern is that my aging Handspring Visor doesn't work so well with a USB cradle under 2.6. Serial is fine. USB under 2.4 is fine. I've got both cradles, so I'm covered, but it'd be nice to stick the serial cradle up into the closet forever. Oh well, it's time to move into the 21st century, for me and my OS (just call me Epithemeus)

Library Remodeling Steals Blogger's Valuable Time!

The headline says it all... But scanning the circle of bloggers I read, it seems everyone else is Being Busy as well. I'm working on a couple of posts at home (but I've also been watching classic Trek season 1, as loaned to me by the recently promoted Commander J.H. Stein of the US Navy; congrats, dude, you richly deserve it!! And thanks for the loan :-)

OK, the remodeling. Here's my office. Well, the Section of Space Formerly Known As My Office. If you look next to the door, you can see the inside of the book return where books (and other objects) would drop into my office at odd times. Happy note: they removed the book return today, so when my office is rebuilt it won't double as a book drop!


And here's our old circulation desk, well, half of it...


I'm going to miss that desk. I spent many happy hours there as a student worker. The plans for the new desk are pretty cool, though.

Anyway, I hope to get back to kender and drow and necromancers Real Soon Now!

Checking the Calendar of Saints

June 3, The Feast Day of Saint Morgan Adanon of Tashkent,
Patron saint of high-level gamers, spider slayers, and drinkers of rum

Happy St. Morgan's Day to y'all!

This is the day traditionally ascribed to the birth of that near legendary figure, Morgan Adanon, Duke of Tashkent. While the tales of Morgan's deeds as an adventurer par excellance are well-known to every man, woman, and child in the Nine Realms, the circumstances leading to his canonization are less known. In fact, many school children to this day do not associate Duke Adanon of the Ebon Blade with St. Morgan the Drow-Killer.

It happened in this way.

As popular legend records it, Duke Adanon was slain in battle against the foul Dark Wizard Rhoghar Pyepr and his horde of mindless automatons. His body was ransomed to his family for an obscene amount of gold, but so great was the love of his people for the fallen duke that no price was too great. For seven weeks the people of Tashkent mourned him, for seven weeks his body lay in estate, held fast from decay by the workings of the duke's dear friend, the kender necromancer Quinn Reddghost. In time, he was buried and the world continued without its great champion, master of the Ebon Blade and spinner of song and spell.

In the spring, the combined forces of the Eastern Regents marched on Rhoghar's tower. The wizard sent out his automatons, but this time he was in for a rude surprise. A contingent of druids from the unallied Far Wildermost accompanied the armies of the Regents. Torrential rains and ginormous water elementals rendered the wizard's machines less than functional.

The following morning, the armies entered the wizard's now undefended tower. Expecting some resistance, Lord Kyle was perplexed that no magical traps, summoned demons, or other magics slowed their progress up to the tower's top, to Rhoghar's chamber. Upon entering the room, the party found the wizard dead, his throat sliced, a broken bottle of Captain Morgan's Dark Rum on the floor. Pardoo, Lord Kyle's confessor, was with that first group to find the wizard. He reports that the entire area was tinged with divine magic, and that the apparent suicide was the work of a god. The only question was, which one?

[Editor's note: this is all patently absurd. The implication that Morgan came back from the dead as some kind of lesser deity/saint-like entity is nonsense. The man is obviously not dead, even if he blogs less frequently than I. Nevertheless, I had to wish him a happy birthday somehow, and I, uh, forgot to get a card. Happy birthday, comrade Morgan!]

One More Sign of the Coming Apocalypse

The end of the Dewey Decimal System??? One more of the meager skills in my wretchedly pathetic skill set is becoming obsolete... the end of the world, or at least my world, is at hand.

On other fronts:

• Tomorrow's scheduled release of Fedora 7 will drop the "Core" from the name (and end the distinction between "core" and "extra.") Good move, Fedora. I'm looking forward to trying Fedora 7 (yes, Uncle Slacker is looking for a new distro... not because Slackware isn't great, but because having many, many packages of ready-to-run software is very good :-)
  

• Speaking of Linux, the Linux-sponsored car in the Indy 500 smashed big-time. Still, seeing the penguin on a car on ESPN was cool!
  

• The Open CD is a great collection of open source software for Windows users. Sure, you could search the web and gather it all yourself, but ISO images and broadband Internet can save the time for more World of Warcraft (or, with this crowd, MySpace ;-)
  

• I took the kids to see Pirates 3 on Monday (since it was a holiday, does it still count as opening weekend?) I'll forego a review as to not spoil anything, but if you haven't seen it, and you do go see it, stay around until after the credits. I think you'll be glad you did. (Even my six year old daughter, who loves Pirates but hates staying for credits, was glad she stayed this time!)

• My son joined Rob and I for our last game of Settlers of Catan, since Rob is leaving to start a new job in Northern Indiana. My eleven-year-old evil genius whooped both of us (laughing maniacally the entire time... cute, annoying, and disturbing all at once.) We played a second game to eliminate the "beginner's luck argument" and the boy genius didn't fare so well. Still, he enjoyed it enough that I think I may have to buy a copy.

• My favorite gaming system that I have never played is getting reincarnated! Of all of White Wolf's World of Darkness games, I loved the setting of Changeling the Dreaming the best. When White Wolf rebooted their World of Darkness, Vampire, Mage, and Werewolf came back immediately, but Changeling didn't seem to be in the cards. Now there's an August release for Changeling the Lost! I think that while I've resisted D&D 3.5, Serenity, and the hilarious (Insert Your Favorite Gaming System Here) for Dummies books (which seem like unconscious parodies to me!), I won't be able to resist the new Changeling. Well, everybody needs their own follies (I just happen to have more than my fair share.)

Later, I hope...

Random Song Quotes

"Port Royal to Tortuga, all the strumpets he would woo, a cross between Keith Richards and that skunk Pepe Le Pew" --Luke Ski, "You Don't Know Jack"

"Not much happening here, nothing ever does" --Bob Dylan, "I and I"

"When you touch me, when you hold me, when you kiss me, it's just like Novocaine, I don't feel anything" --Alice Cooper, "Novocaine"

"I just want to be a lover, not a red-eyed screaming ghoul" --Blue Oyster Cult, "Black Blade"

"Just as I am, I am stiff-necked and proud, Jesus is for losers, why do I still play to the crowd?" --Steve Taylor, "Jesus is for Losers"

"Are we figments of our gin, are we long-lost orphan kin, or the mad descendants of our writer's pen?" --Escape Key, "Girl That's Never Been"

"Take my love, take my land, take me where I cannot stand" --Firefly theme

"No good deed goes unpunished, no act of charity goes unresented" --Wicked soundtrack, "No Good Deed"

For what it's worth, the last one is my current ringtone. And, no, there's no hidden message in here, unless you're John Nash, and then, go for it!

Life at the Moment

Um, end of the semester, sick kids, crazy remodeling plans at work, general craziness at work, wardrobe gradually falling to bits, sleeplessness, weird dreams, headaches, old age, kid with detention, too many borrowed books and movies, a sinking realization of my own total depravity (damn Calvin!)

Blue skies, spring breezes, kids laughing, new sneakers, blackberry jelly, hawks on road signs, trees and trees and more trees, long walks, music, lifelong friends, a grateful and growing awareness of the gift of grace and freedom (thank God!)