Mundane Life Update Stuff

Too long with too little said. I missed commenting on the election wackiness. I missed commenting on the ramp up for the release of Kevin Smith's new film Zack and Miri Make a Porno (which deserved to be commented on, regardless of whether it deserves to be seen). I missed blogging my kids' birthdays. I way big time missed my commitment to blog regularly. I missed blogging the loss of author Michael Crichton.

Real life has been busy. I guess. I don't know. Anyway... this is a stupid and pointless post. I'm going ahead and posting it on the Something is better than Nothing school of blogging, but, sheesh! Go read Wikipedia or something.

A Whiff of Prologue

"You do it. I hate exorcisms," he said.

I opened my mouth to protest, but he raised a pudgy hand to stop me. "This is not a discussion. You're my associate, I hate exorcisms, you're going to do it."

I waited a moment. "But shouldn't there be at least two priests present at an exorcism?" A week on the job, I was not about to do this alone.

Father Alphonzo De Sotta chuckled. It was an ugly little chuckle, not the only aspect of my boss that I had decided was ugly. "Sure, if this were a movie you might have a team of priests and psychiatrists and maybe even some Special Forces types, just in case. But this is little ol' Kirksdale, and the nearest shrink is, what, 100 miles away? Besides, I've handled plenty of these cases alone. You'll be fine."

The Church's procedures on exorcism were clear: no solo missions. This assignment was wrong, but more disturbing, "Define 'plenty.'"

Father Al smiled. The smile itself chilled me "from soul to socks" as my granny use to say. He stood up and crossed over to the filing cabinet, opened the top drawer, and pulled out a folder held together with large rubber bands. It was easily five or six inches thick. He tossed it on the desk and went back to smiling at me.

I glanced from the folder to my boss. "You've got to be kidding? This town only has a population of two thousand people. And you told me you've been here for almost twenty years. There must be hundreds of cases in that file."

He nodded, still smiling. "And now they're all yours. Welcome to Kirksdale, ass-end of the Midwest and pre-school for Hell's rugrats."

Joy

I wanted to look something up online today, which meant a trip out to the office. I decided to walk (undoubtedly influenced by my current reading of Divorce Your Car by Katie Alvord). I live about 2 miles from where I work, and it took me about half an hour to get here. Yes, this is longer than the drive out would have been. I also have sweat a bit more. But...

• I watched a butterfly fly past
• I talked to an old lady sitting out in front of her house on a lawn chair (I don't know her, but does that really matter?)
• I smelled autumn leaves
• I heard said leaves crunch beneath my feet
• I felt the breeze blow through my hair
• I saw the heavy clouds looming overhead (40% chance of scattered thunderstorms today)
• I smelled burning wood (like someone was grilling with wood chips maybe?)
• I experienced that mild excitement I get every time I step across a set of railroad tracks: the feeling of coming in contact with something larger than myself (is it weird that train tracks and beaches give me similar feelings?)
• I noticed trees and dogs and children and the temperature
• I saw a car antenna lying at the side of the road by a busy intersection
• I run the distinct risk of getting caught in the rain. A situation that was so commonplace in childhood that it was barely considered, but as a grown up it seems to be a Thing To Be Avoided At All Costs.
• I was blessed, no, I am blessed by just this simple act of living

I doubt I divorce my car. My kids live too far away for that, and, besides, I like internal combustion: the sounds and smells and the feel of moving down the road. I really do like it. I also really like chocolate, but if chocolate was as central to my diet as solo automobile travel is central to my transportation then I would be in very bad shape. Maybe my car is like my sweet tooth. Then again, maybe not. Regardless, today's walk has brought nothing but joy so far, and I am grateful.

Anathem

Neal Stephenson's newest novel is scheduled to be released today (and alas, I do not have a spare $30 burning a hole in my pocket!) Nevertheless, public libraries are a good thing, so I'll be getting on the list ASAP.

Anathem is a 960 page epic about a religious order of mathematicians, scientists, and philosophers who have been living behind cloister walls. It's set in the future, on another planet, and if it's anything like everything else Neal has written, it promises to be the best read of the year. The Amazon page has an excerpt and some video of Neal talking about the book and reading from it.

What to Do When You Have No Clue What to Blog About?!?

Try http://words.bighugelabs.com/blog.php

This suggests possible blog topics. Since I've been so slack about this blogging thing for so long, this just may be the kick in the pants I need. Of course the temptation to click, "Get some more" and thus waste time merely reading blog ideas is pretty strong (hello, slackers anonymous, I need a new life!)

Dr. Horrible

Run, do not walk to http://drhorrible.com and watch Joss Whedon's web-based series about an aspiring super-villain (played by Neil Patrick Harris), his nemesis Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillian), and the girl at the laundry mat he's trying to get up the nerve to talk to (Felicia Day). Oh, and it's a musical. What are you doing still reading this?

Graduation, Blink, School Starts

The days of summer disappeared like Wiis at Wal-mart. I really thought there would actually be a summer, but, as always, my powers of prognostication underwhelm me. So, here I sit, facing the start of the school year, almost certain that it was just May a few days ago. I have some vague memories of June and July, but they seem more like the echoes of a dream: mostly pleasant with some vaguely remembered awkward bits.

The beginning of another school year is always an exciting time, because I really do prefer the campus full of students: it has an essential rightness about it. And beyond their collective presence, I find myself altogether too fond of the individual students I meet. Another God-created life, another story of joy and love, of pain and struggles. Another testimony to grace, even when the person doesn't see it him- or herself. No one is an island, not even hermit-wannabes like me. I am blessed by the students who are led to sojourn on our campus. I am grateful that some students still share their stories and grace with me via this crazy Internet thing. Much thanks to friends old and new!

New [School] Year's resolution: post at least once a week. Sadly, that would be a major improvement over my recent history. I can't guarantee the quality will improve, but quantity has to be worth something.

However... next week I won't be posting. I won't be exactly near the Internet, so let's just start this "once a week" business the first week of September. Sounds like a plan? Anyway, I hope some of you find your way back here (although, yeah, I'll write even if no one reads).

New Slackware Logo!

My favorite Linux distro has a new logo, readable whether you're upright or upside down:

Shadows on My Own Personal Apocalypse

Sorry about the "long time, no write phenom." Summer got busy and then disappeared. Anyway, just one comment to record for my own journal (I suspect my readers have long since sought other places to waste their time).

Today my ex-wife is getting married.

Kung Fu Panda - Gateway to Heresy?

Cute movie, but inherently anti-religious (well, anti most religions, as well as all occult practices).

The kids wanted to see it, so we went. It was fun. We laughed a lot (and my son and I once again annoyed my daughter by insisting we stay through the credits).

***Spoilers***

There is no secret ingredient. There is no secret on the scroll. There is no secret to life. No news (good or otherwise) that you need to hear to make sense of life. As Faith Hill sings, "The secret of life is that there ain't no secret."

But (most) religions would disagree. There is a secret, in the sense that there is something you need to know in order for you to understand What's Really Going On. Christianity says that something is the good news of Jesus Christ. Christians try really, really hard to share the secret (compared to occult groups who save the secret for an inner circle of initiates). Pop psychology is an industry based on people believing that there is some secret, some simple (or not so simple) thing that if they just knew, they'd be ok.

Kung Fu Panda teaches us that there is no secret. Life just is, and you live it. In some sense, it's the message of the Zen masters and the existentialists. In this view of things there is neither hope nor despair, there is just what is. Knowing that God created us, loves us despite our sins, has died to save us, and has prepared an eternal home for us with Him... that's the kind of stuff that would need to be revealed, maybe written on a scroll. But the scroll is blank, worse, it is vaguely reflective. All the revelation you get is yourself.

Fortunately, my kids didn't take that away from the movie at all. For them, it was just a light-hearted diversion on a too-warm summer's day. And so, we have a lot of fun joking about anything I cook. "So, did you like the secret ingredient?" "Dad, there is no secret ingredient!" "Oh yeah..."

But I can't help but wonder if subtle messages like this are seeds cast into the soil of the young, and one day they will bear fruit.

PS - Shout out to my brother whose birthday is today! Happy Day!

Blogging Is Dead

Well, if *my* blog is indication (which, let's face it, it isn't). You know how life swallows you up in busyness and you don't quite get around to doing all the things that you keep telling yourself you want to be doing? That would be my life at the moment. Can't actually explain it, since I can't think of a single thing I've been doing, but... there you have it.

Anyway, no deep thoughts, nor even too much minutiae to report (movies: I've seen Iron Man, but none of the other May blockbusters yet).

I know I'm tired and old. I think it's time for a mid-life crisis, but honestly, I don't have the time, energy, or money for one of those. Can I have a mid-life nap instead?

Oh, and happy birthday to my sister Amy and to our former blogger-in-arms Morgan!

YAAD

The ship hung in the sky over the farm. It just sat there, motionless, silent, casting its vast shadow across the small house and the barn and a good bit of the vegetable gardens. Just like it had been doing for the past twenty minutes, ever since Jake Evans had come outside to stare at It.

Jake had been inside the house, watching Linda Thompson with the Channel 5 News at 5. Linda was an attractive woman in her late forties, possible early fifties. Not beautiful, but Jake was too old to be interested in beautiful. A simple, honest attractive was what he longed for. Like Linda Thompson. It was in the midst of this recurring reverie that he noticed they outside had suddenly gotten very dark.

At first he thought it was a sudden spring storm, but when he went to close the windows, he had caught a glimpse of it. A large bit of dull gray metal just hanging in the sky above the edge of the roof line, he quickly ran out to take a better look.

Outside he saw just how big it was. Or more accurately, how big It was. It was too terrifying, too wondrous, to be a mere it. It was an alien spaceship, that much was obvious. Although Jake had never, in all his fifty-seven years, ever seen an actual honest-to-God, not-in-the-movies alien spaceship, he knew with a deep certainty that this Thing that had come from nowhere and just hovered above his home, this was the Real Deal.

He was scared, but more than that, he was awestruck, like a child turning a corner on their way to school and meeting a giant. For almost half an hour he had watched this great Thing float there doing absolutely nothing. For his part, Jake had done nothing either. He had just stood there staring up at the ship in the sky.

After a while he began to wonder why none of his neighbors down the road had come over to investigate. Surely It was visible, even all the way down Route 23 into Lancaster, let alone a mere quarter mile over at the Anderson’s.

Shaking his head, he managed to stop staring at It and fix his gaze on the road. Nothing. He thought about getting in his truck and driving over to get Lou Anderson. Lou use to be a college professor. He might have an idea what to do.

But as he was thinking this, Lou and his wife Juanita came out of their house and climbed into their truck. Jake shouted, but they must not have heard him. They backed out of their drive and headed into town.

What’s going on here? Jake thought. They had to have seen It! But no, it certainly seemed like they hadn’t. If they had sped off into town full throttle, Jake might have convinced himself they were going for help, but no, Lou’s red Ford Ranger cruised down the road at a leisurely pace. Jake watched the little truck disappear over a slight rise in the road before turning his gaze back up to the ship.

Ten minutes later, Jake decided to call his friend David. Reverend David Ledgarden was the pastor at the little Methodist church Jake attended. The phone rang and rang, and finally the answering machine picked up “You have reached the home of Reverend Ledgarden, please leave your name and number and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Have a blessed day!” BEEP.

“David, it’s Jake. You gotta get out here as soon as possible. The strangest thing is happening and I need a witness.”

Jake tried calling two other friends as well as his son, who lived three hours away in Carlyle. No one answered their phones. Glancing out the window, Jake could see that his land was still all in shadow, even while the land beyond was bathed in the mid-afternoon’s sunlight.

He went back outside and just looked at It. It was the strangest thing he had ever seen.

Finally, enough was enough. Jake went into the house to get the keys to his Dodge. He’d drag someone out here if he had to, but someone else was going to see this!

Casting a final glance up as he opened the door of the pickup, he spoke to the ship “I’ll be back.”

He hadn't even finished starting the engine when the ray shot out of the ship, blowing up his truck. It passed over the ground and hit his house, causing it to catch fire.

With the slightest of popping sounds, the ship disappeared.

Nobody to Believe In (in This World)

I’m more or less disgusted. Obama has all but given the Democrat nomination to Clinton. It’s not that I’m a huge Obama fan, but given the choice between the two, I’d choose him in a heartbeat.

Or so I thought. After watching how he’s been handling the whole Reverend Wright fiasco, I am less than underwhelmed. And this is just a bit of a social scandal with his preacher. How would the man handle an actual emergency? (You know, like, oh let’s say, a war with Iraq).

So, Bill gets to be the first First Husband. Well, I can appreciate irony as much as the next guy, but, sheesh, was Martha Washington this much of a mess? I don’t seem to remember any stories about her that I’d be embarrassed to tell my kids. Obviously there will have to be some ground rules. You know, no First Husband giving tours of the Oval Office and such. Love or hate Hilary, she comes with Bill, and that may be reason enough to pass.

There’s always McCain.

Um, yeah, right.

Ralph Nader? Harry Browne? Don’t I wish we lived in a nation free enough that candidates like these had a chance? Where is the Great Winged Monkey of Presidential Debates, that wily bazillionaire Ross Perot? Poor Al Gore. All things considered, this could’ve been his year, what with winning the No-bull Prize for Chicken Little Ecology and all. Before you smell blood and attack, I am not denying global warming. I’m just not yet convinced that things are as dire as the prophets are foretelling. Color me skeptical, or at least a contrarian, or, if you must, color me completely stupid. And if the Earth begins to burn before the sun goes nova, then let me state upfront that I was wrong. Sorry.

Where does that leave me, as a voter, come Election Day? Where it has every election since I turned 18: in a booth without a candidate.

Older Than Dirt, Apparently...

Yesterday while driving down to Southern Illinois for my daughter's school program, I stopped for a bite of lupper. I went into an Unspecified Fast Food workaurant and placed my order. The kid then rang it up and, without even asking, rang in the senior discount! This is the first time this has ever happened to me. And all I could think was, "Hey, I just saved 37 cents because I look old. Sweet!"

Anyway, it's funny. Mostly because I didn't think I looked that old, but what do I know? Here's hoping the rest of you don't look significantly older than you are :-)

Quickly...

...since blogger is about to go down for an update and I probably should go eat supper.

I am still alive and well (the last point being more or less subjective, but we'll let it stand).

Ubuntu 8.04 is due out tomorrow (which is when, exactly? Isn't Mark Shuttleworth in South Africa?) Slackware 12.1 has reached release candidate 2 status, so my desktop machine will be looking at an upgrade Real Soon Now.

Work's been "fun" with my boss away in Central Europe for a bit. I really thought I'd be less busy, not more. Who was I kidding?!?

While I am emphatically not a big "blood and guts" film fan, I have a long time relationship with the Aliens franchise. But all the reviews of the latest installment, Alien vs Predator: Requiem, has me convinced that it's time to give up on the series without allowing this stinker to be the last taste in my mouth.

Speaking of series, my friend the naval commander is lending me Babylon 5, so I can finally see what all the hype was. So far, pretty cool. Not Firefly cool, but easily cooler than Voyager or Enterprise.

I've been waking up early, even without earthquakes. This morning I was out of bed at 4 am before I even realized what time it was. Very weird. I cut the caffeine off today at 11:00 am, so maybe I'll sleep tonight (although falling asleep and staying asleep through the night isn't a problem. I'm just waking up like an old person. Oh. Wait. I think I see the problem. Bloody aging process...)

I hope all is well with those of you whom I know almost exclusively virtually, as well as my family and neighbors who may (or, more likely, may not) be reading this. On the off chance my darling sister is reading this: I know, I need to call! :-)

Good Morning, Earth!

So, anyone else wake up at 4:30ish (CST6CDT) to a 5.4 richter scale quake?

Slackware Is On the Move!

From the current changelog:

Thu Apr 3 01:16:15 CDT 2008
OK, we're going to call this Slackware 12.1-rc1, though there is still some more minor work to do. Please help test! And if we're missing anything major, please let me know at volkerdi@slackware.com. Thanks. :-)

In Praise of Folly

with apologies to Erasmus

Happy April Fool's Day to you, one and all! On behalf of the Not-So Great Conspiracy of Moon Jesters and Frost Knaves, welcome to one of the most ridiculous excuses for a Holly day (you did call Holly today, didn't you?)

I thought a poem would be in order. But the one I wrote was HORRIBLY depressing, so then I decided for a joke, but since the "Holly day" thing didn't go over so well... I've decided on a mundane little update.

Reading: Lots of stuff, most notably Douglas Preston's latest novel, Blasphemy. Preston and Child, whether as a literary dynamic duo or doing solo projects, deliver The Most Excellent Scientific Thrillers. I think there's a link to their site under "Authors I Grok." I've also read a couple of "Get Your Life Together" titles: CrazyBusy and Making Peace with the Things in Your Life: Why Your Papers, Books, Clothes, and Other Possessions Keep Overwhelming You and What to Do About It. Interesting reads, since chaos and/or entropy and/or slackfulness keep me in a perpetual state of crazy.

I'm working my way through season 3 of Numb3rs, which rocks beyond all crime dramas because there's MATH involved!

Easter weekend and last weekend with the kids, so life's been pretty sweet on that front.

Anything else? Um, I need a haircut and to pick up margarine from the store on the way home tonight (hey, someone want to remind me of that around 5 CST time? Thanks!)

I hope that you all have enjoyed Winter, because, with God and His druids as my witness, Spring is about to make her debut :-)

The Best Bits of Life

Between a lame camera phone and absolutely no skill...

So Long, Gary!

Gary Gygax passed away Tuesday morning. For those of you who might not know, Gygax was the co-creator of a game called Dungeons and Dragons. His name graces all of the 1st edition core books, back when the game was Advanced Dungeons and Dragons.

There are a handful of events that strongly shaped who I am today. One of them is D&D. D&D introduced a science fiction geek to the world of fantasy (and through that to the works of Tolkien and Lewis, as well as Moorcock, Kurtz, Leiber, Aspirin, and many, many others). D&D also provided a social locus for my high school friends and I. We did a lot more together than just play a game, but the game provided a point of contact.

I never got around to going to a convention and meeting Gygax. I had always meant to, to thank him for making a phenomenal game, for giving me some of the best friends of my life, but, good intentions...

I've read articles by him and interviews with him. He was one of us. A sixty-nine year old geek. Still rolling dice and kicking kobold butt. And for me, the world is a little less fun knowing that he's gone. My prayers and sympathy go up for his family and friends.

So Long, Larry!

Every Christian I know has people who helped them grow when they were young in the faith. Some of those people you know personally, and you form very close bonds of love with them. Others you know through their books, others through their songs.

When I was a young whippersnapper, moving from a religiously varnished humanism to a deeper relationship with my Creator and Redeemer, one voice that spoke to me through the headphones on my Sony Walkman was Larry Norman. Larry was one of the early of the so-called "Contemporary Christian musicians." His music moved my feet, and his lyrics moved my heart. I spent, literally, hundreds of hours listening to Larry, stopping the music to pray or reflect on something, and then hitting "play" and going back to some strange blend of worship and entertainment.

Larry has been sick for a long time, including some serious heart problems (which is weird, because no one can say the guy didn't have a big heart). Anyway, Larry has gone on to sing for his Lord in a face-to-face kind of way, or, more prosaically, he died, last Monday. He's undoubtedly happy, jamming out with the heavenly band. But, as is typical of us fallen people on this side of the vale, we're faced with loss and more than a bit of sadness. I'm not a huge fan of "Christian" music, but Larry's music truly brought me into a state of mind where I realized I was a fallen human living by the grace of a wonderful God. God bless, Larry, I hope I'll see you in Heaven.

More Than You Want To Know

Someone bulletined me this on myspace. Since I rarely use MySpace, I'm posting my answers here (sorry...)

1. Do you eat a lot of fast food?
Yes, quickly

2. Can you execute an acceptable cartwheel?
No

3. Have you kissed anyone in 2008?
Sure, I've kissed some one every year I've been alive.

4. Were you happy when you woke up today?
Always happy to wake up

5. Have you ever streaked?
In real life?

6. Are you an understanding person?
No. Not at all.

7. What was the last movie you saw in theaters?
The Chipmunks

8. Did you pray before you went to bed last night?
Yes

9. What did you last get upset about?
Filling out Internet surveys

10. Do you eat candy on a daily basis?
No

11. Who were the last ten different people to comment you?
How should I know?

12. Does it make you happy to get letters in the mail?
Duh!

13. Who was the last person you hugged?
Kara

14. What are you looking forward to this summer?
Outdoor slacking

15. Who was the last person you ate with?
Me

16. Besides your mouth, where is your favorite spot to get kissed?
n/a

17. Do raisins belong in cookies?
No

19. Walking into a party, what's the first thing you notice?
Who's wearing yellow socks

20. Are you currently taking a science class in school?
No

21. You've just won a free vacation to either South America or North Korea.
South America

23. Would you rather have chicken or steak?
Steak

24. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
For money

25. What's one thing you've learned from a good friendship gone bad?
Trust no one

26. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Myself

27. How often do you see your exes?
Every other weekend

28. Who was the last baby you held?
Couldn't tell you...

29. Would you ever donate blood?
Yes

30. How many snack machines are in your school?
Not enough

32. Are there deer heads covering any walls in your house?
Deer? No.

33. Do you believe in karma?
Sort of

34. Have you ever been asked out?
Yes

35. What did you do on the last day of school?
There's a last day for school?!?

36. Are you good at telling jokes?
No (can't you tell?)

37. Have you ever driven without a license?
No

38. The person you're in love with moves across the world, what do you do?
Blow up the world

39. How is your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend doing?
Depends on which one we're talking about

40. Do you wish you had smaller feet?
No (but hairer and tougher, like a hobbit, that'd be cool)

41. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
Sure

42. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Yes, just not to bed

43. When ordering sushi, what do you get?
Nothing, much like when ordering elf tongue

44. How many of your friends have seen you naked?
More than I'm comfortable with

45. Do you write in cursive or in print?
Both (I *did* graduate from grade school, you know!)

46. Would you rather have a boyfriend/girlfriend, or friends with benefits?
A non-world-conquering AI would be fine

47. Who was the last person you sat next to?
The spirit of a dead Viking (I don't speak Old Norse, so the conversation went nowhere)

48. What were you doing at 10 am?
Working

49. Are you different now than you were six months ago?
No, I never change. Ever.

50. What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
Water

The New Frontier

Tuesday, Justice League: The New Frontier came out on DVD. I've been waiting for this since I saw the preview on Superman vs Doomsday. JLNF is the DVD adaptation of Darwyn Cooke's amazing graphic novel of the same title. Cooke has re-imagined the League in the time after World War 2, with the social issues of the time (racism, McCarthyism, the beginnings of the space race) providing the environment which shapes the heroes sensibilities as they band together for the first time to save the human race. The voice talent is very impressive including David Boreanaz voicing Green Lantern, Neil Patrick Harris as the Flash, Lucy Lawless as Wonder Woman, and Kyle MacLachlan as Superman. The art is amazing, perfectly capturing the feel of the era. Definitely recommended for anyone who like super-heroes!

From This Morning's Cataloging

An extended quote:

What shall you teach about Genesis? Teach the truth of God, the truth which the writer of Genesis put there. Do not waste a moment of your really precious time worrying about adapting the Bible "to this intellectual age." If you hear or read about the sensitive intellectuality of this cultured age, you put the writer or speaker down as an intellectual snob, blind to his own generation outside his own little circle. You teach God Almighty's truth for living men. You will have a big enough job to do without attempting to reconstruct the history which produced the Bible, and then reconstruct the Bible from the history you have produced. Such work is for men who have more time to play in their libraries than they have passion to help Christ save children from sinning and men from sin. For any immature mind---even in a theological seminary---to approach the study of the Bible from the standpoint of some historical criticism is practically equivalent to spiritual paralysis. There is truth in Genesis and the Pentateuch, truth that "is able to make wise unto salvation" them that find it, teach it, and are taught it. "Take heed unto your self and unto your teaching."

--Robert Perry Shepherd, The Christian Lesson Commentary : A Religious Study of Genesis and the Beginnings of Jewish History. For the Use of Teachers and Advanced Students. Notes on the International Uniform Lessons for 1913. 28th volume (St. Louis: Christian Board of Publication, 1912), iv.

Finally, Something Worth Coveting!

This is ABSOLUTELY the coolest laptop I have ever seen. Ever.

Wishing I had true Skills and Artistry... (still, it thrills my heart to know someone, somewhere has the Ability and Desire to fashion this very device!)

Traveling + Sleeplessness = Potential Woe

Last night I got about 3 hours of sleep (don't ask, that way I won't have to lie). After I get done teaching class this morning, I need to hop in my trusty and rusty vehicle and race south to catch my son in some kind of Scholar Bowl thing (I guess it's like school-sponsored Trivial Pursuit?) At the best of times I tend to be narcoleptic in a car (even when I'm driving). I'm not looking forward to the trip back tonight. I can only hope there's ZERO precipitation (or else I may as well give up now!) Kind thoughts, well wishes, and prayers would not be amiss.

Oh! Almost forgot. I ordered a copy of Done the Impossible and it arrived. I'll have to wait until tomorrow to finish watching it (which means, no sleeping behind the wheel).

Here's wishing a blessedly wonder-filled kind of magic for all of you!

Another Random Posting

Two thirds of the way through Lost, season 3. I'm pretty sure that the story is being made up by stoned monkeys just *this* close to evolving into the next higher form of life...

Reading John F. Haught's critique of the new atheists. Some of his critiques I can rebut, but many of them I can't. Looks like I'm still a theist for another day :-)

A week from tomorrow, James Emory White will be on campus. The author of many books, including the delightful little devotional, A Mind for God, White is an exceptionally clear thinker and communicator who has thought far more about Christianity and culture than I ever will. Should be good and challenging!

I've begun thinking about board games lately. Chess, checkers, Othello, mancala, go, even backgammon (which I haven't played since I was ten... zowee, that's thirty years ago. I honestly do not remember the rules... sad, sad old man's memory). Can't tell you why my mind's been turning in that direction, just that it has.

Well, my nutritious breakfast of Pop-Tarts and Mountain Dew has been dutifully consumed and the clock suggests I should switch to worker bee mode. I hope y'all have a good weekend!

This Space Left Intentionally Blank for Valentine's Day

Heart on My Sleeve

I love Candy Heart Generators!

February?!? (on speed)

This has to be some kind of mistake. At this rate, it'll be 2009 before I even accomplish one thing on my Top Secret, Never To Be Spoken Of 2008 To-Do list. Time's sliding like my car on the not-so proverbial ice. Speaking of which...

Thunderstorms and tornadoes over snow-covered prairies, and now white fog blending seamlessly with the snowy horizons. Freaky weird winter weather rocks (when it isn't responsible for loss of life and limb and locomotion).

Lots of crazy thoughts playing bumper cars in my caffeine-addled mind, most all of which require some form of censoring and/or decrypting in order to be communicable (but not like a disease). As crazy as Dr. McCoy in "City on the Edge of Forever," which...

...inspired a trilogy of Trek novels called Crucible. I've recently started the first one (with McCoy as the major protagonist, the other two feature Spock and Kirk, respectively). I'm not far enough in to be sure, but I gather the author has hit upon something which I've missed my entire life!!! This is so cool, because it's so amazingly obvious... well, enough gushing. I don't want to drop any spoilers in my mania, so...

On with the show (not Trek, my blog, but that's kind of obvious.)

OH-- After a bajillion year wait, the animated Dragonlance movie was released to less than stellar reviews (see the Amazon.com page for the gory details.) Yes, the animation was less than inspired, and yes, mixing traditional animation with CGI looked goblin-awful. But... it was Dragonlance. That has to count for something...

Of course, it doesn't count for much (except to die-hards and collectors). Counting much requires numbers that go beyond infinity. Transfinite numbers, surreal numbers, and other mathemagical delights. Someday... ah, never mind. I'm way too lazy for that anyway ;-)

Powerless

Life gets crazy. Not my own life, which (of course) is a paragon of balance, but lives around me. The older I get, the more I want to just fix it, and the more I realize I can't. I have two friends in mental facilities at this moment, one friend who called me at an ungodly early hour this week, and another who called earlier this evening weeping so hard I had no idea what was actually being said. And, other than listen, I can't do a blasted thing to change any of their situations. As a kid, all I did was listen, because that seemed like the most Taoist thing to do. Now I'm older, I actually care more, I want to make a difference, but I also realize there's less that can be done in so many situations.

OK, so this isn't exactly a post, more of a venting. Not against my friends (because Jesus, Mary, and Patrick know that I've been the one on their end of the conversation more'n my fair share), but venting against my occasionally perceived futility to see life and love making the difference.

Of course, I know that it does. I have anecdotes, you have anecdotes. We have faith, we have hope, we have love. But sometimes, just sometimes, I wish we had miracles (and not just our 21st century ones "ooh, it's a miracle", I'm talking the Big Biblical kind: "Lazarus, come forth" and stuff.)

I'm really not coming down on God's methodology and strategy, I trust His wisdom. Chaos makes little sense without faith in a higher order. In truth, I have no idea what I'm actually trying to say, or why I'm saying it publicly, but there you have it. Maybe next time I'll go back to blogging about computers :-)

Umbrellas Not Required

because Heather asked...

Weekend with the kids, including bad jokes, lazy Saturday, and (God help me) High School Musical (1 & 2) * Neil's commentary on Stardust * the lumina's continued mobility * panda bowl with orange chicken and steamed rice (I know, "boring!") * Underdog * Rob's latest YouTube * KDE 4 * laughing until it hurts * winter starlight * Buddhist economics * light snow * xkcd * being up before the sun * sweet tea * constantly rediscovering how little I know * driving while listening to funny music * falling asleep feeling blessed * smiles in the hallway * the passion of the new atheists (if not their conclusions) * Gilbert Keith Chesterton * my siblings * looking forward to seeing the kids again

KDE 4.0

Well, the new release of KDE is out. It looks pretty (but my guess is that it'll be a while before Pat adds it to Slack, which is cool...) In the mean time, I'm thinking of playing with Kubuntu, just to test the new waters. I have the kids this weekend, but come Monday...

Happy Birthday, St. Knuth!

Today, legendary computer scientist Donald E. Knuth turns 70! It is extremely safe to say that without Knuth's work modern computer science would not look the way it looks today, both in content (Knuth is the Grand Master of Algorithms) and appearance (his work in typesetting is still the basis for much scholarly publication in fields where equations matter).

His mathematical novel Surreal Numbers has helped me gain a better (though, sadly, not yet perfect) grasp Conway's original work.

A Christian by faith, Knuth is an accomplished church organist and a righteously funny man.

A quote from one of Knuth's many works:

"When I talk about computer science as a possible basis for insights about God, of course I’m not thinking about God as a super-smart intellect surrounded by large clusters of ultrafast Linux workstations and great search engines. That’s the user’s point of view." --Things a Computer Scientist Rarely Talks About, p. 168.

Happy Birthday, O Blessed Saint of Geekiness!

(Almost) Obligatory (Almost) New Year's Post

I'll freely admit that the calendar is rather arbitrary, as is much of language itself (I won't say "all language," since there may well be deep structures in language, but much of it functions at a far more surface level; regardless, this is not a post about language, so...)

Anyway, the calendar. The cycle of months rolls over, incrementing the year-o-meter by 1. A new year, a time for resolutions: the beginning of your "new" (and, hopefully, improved) life. Every day is a new beginning but New Year's Day (and, for slackful types, the whole "near the beginning of January" days) are an especially significant (though, again, relatively arbitrary) point of re-creation.

Resolutions are really about "who will you be this year?" I often by-pass resolutions, seeing as how I "know" I'll blow them before Valentine's Day. How does that answer the question of who I will be? It seems to answer it by saying, "I'll be the person I've always been, continuing to coast along with my self in status quo." Have I arrived at all I want to be, all I believe I should be, all that I (in my heart of hearts) would be? No. I mean, sure, I'm an alright guy. Most of you wouldn't hate me if you knew me. Is that all that is in my soul, to be alright? (emphatic note: "alright" is not to be confused with "all right" which implies a level of perfection that I would not claim in my wildest delusions of grandeur. I don't think so, anyway...) No "alright" is probably not enough. Whether the journey is the reward or there is a reward at the end of the journey, merely "coasting" is not enough.

So, what to resolve, and in what form to make the resolutions? Blogging? Private oath? Personal journal? Accountability partner? Each answer to "what form" has something to recommend for itself, none are "right" or "wrong." What to resolve? Ah, easy, to be a better person! And what defines "a better person"? There's the rub. Because I think that our understanding of that changes as we ourselves grow and change. It would have to, wouldn't it, since once you've fulfilled whatever criteria you know have for being a better person, there would be some other level which you might then realize is "better" than who you are now. The more good we become, the more we realize how much better we could become.

Are we doomed to be on the human equivalent of a hamster's exercise wheel: always running but never arriving? Is there no place for contentment? The answer, from considering the above, seems to be no. Contentment would allow coasting.

The paradox is to maintain both contentment and striving. To accept who you are, where you are, what you are, and to not feel a sense of failure for the reality of your present is-ness. Yet at the same time, to be able to see the journey ahead, to realize the steps that will move you further along the path you see (and, more than likely, some paths you don't yet see). To neither beat ourselves up nor praise ourselves for where we are, but to recognize it and accept it with grace (and, as far as possible, good humor), and then to continue to walk: neither crippled by our past nor enticed to rest on our laurels, knowing that even when we realize we have made a mistake along the way, it is a good thing to have realized it (at whatever point we realize it) and then to continue on the path we choose (and sometimes that means turning around and driving 27 miles back down the road to the nearest convenience store to ask for directions). [Ed. note: that was one long, run-on sentence, ugh!]

What am I saying? How should I know? These thoughts should have been thunk early December, to allow time to flesh out all of the details, to figure out my "resolutions" for being who I want to be this year. But, as the name says, I'm a slacker. Too often content to coast, when I should be pedaling and steering. The brain's working a bit now in the right direction. 2008 will be a year to move forward (whatever direction that may be) and to try to become the "me" I sometimes glimpse out of the corner of my mind's eye. My hope and prayer is that each of you will find a way to make 2008 to truly be the beginning of the rest of your life.

Blessed Solstice!

Well, it's that time of year again, where the offices close and I am separated from my dear and precious friends who dwell (to me) in the etherealness that is the Internet. I hope that each of you finds blessings, wonder, and healing during this holiday season. I may slip in on occasion, but then again, I may be offline until next year. Jesus, Mary, and Patrick be with y'all, and, as always, sláinte!

Minutia and More Stuff You Don't Want to Know

Wow, Heather's right: almost a month with none of my senseless posts. That's probably part of the reason for the silence: senselessness. I apparently have less and less to say, so I've been slacking off.

Experiment #1: normally I tell my RSS reader to only deliver geek news. I spent one day, however, receiving feeds from CNN, BBC, and Fox News. Absolutely nothing I needed to know, updated way too bloody frequently for my productivity to survive intact. I would really like to be an informed citizen of this blessed democracy, but 24/7 news services provide too much information (too much pointless information). Maybe I'll try reading a newspaper or a weekly magazine like Time.

I started reading The Golden Compass. I'm only on chapter 3 (I read very, very slowly) but I'm enjoying it so far. Pullman is a very good writer. I suppose that I'll reach a point where my religious sensibilities get offended (but then again, maybe not). A co-worker who went to the film last weekend didn't find anything objectionable. Is this another case of hype getting ahead of reality?

I've also started working my way through watching Twin Peaks. TP was, back in its day, my favorite television show (a title it has forfeited in recent years to Firefly). It's weird, because everyone on the show looks so young (15+ years and now I'm older than most of them!) Still, it's as quirky, creepy, and well-directed as I remember.

Well the C----mas season is upon us (don't want to offend anybody out there by making reference to any particular deity that may be associated with this celebration). Strangely, I find myself thinking less about the holiday this year and more about the baby. There's more of a mystery there than the standard "hero born of a virgin" story. Mostly because he didn't grow up to be a typical hero (nor even a typical wiseman). Like a zen koan, the mysteries of this particular Western faith invite contemplation without complete solution. It's like my good friend the Dolly Llama says, "Baby Jesus is the bomb, dude!": a small package that will unleash fiery power upon an unsuspecting world.

Whine #1: I'm getting really, really tired of being a computer geek. Sure, I like it, but I'm getting tired of it. Does that make sense? Sometimes I wish that I only knew Windows, and just enough to get my work done. I have no reason to dabble in operating systems, programming languages, artificial intelligence, artificial life, computational math, and a host of other topics I am neither qualified to discuss nor paid to learn (and consequently, I only half-learn, at best).

On the other hand, I am paid to know more about cataloging standards, copyright law, and theological research and writing than I actually know. If you hit forty and don't know what you want to be when you grow up, you'll end up being nothing. (Not that I'd claim to be a nothing. No, that's claiming too much. Ah, if only I could a genuine and for real nothing...)

Oh, well, a very delightful day to all of you (about 1.5 readers left, by my survey)!

Reading & Watching

I recently finished Rudy Rucker's latest, Postsingular. Like all of his books, it was a wild ride through far out ideas. It was also very well written. I dropped a line about the book on amazon.com (my first, and perhaps only, time writing for them).

I'm currently reading Joe R. Lansdale's The Bottoms. I picked this up last year at a used book store, because I've like the little Lansdale I've read. He's an author from East Texas and writes a lot about East Texas. Since my dad and his whole family are from there (and fled back there after sojourning in the Midwest long enough to sire my siblings and I), I have some kind of weird (but sadly explicable) fascination with the place (Dr. Freud can stop reading now!)

I've put off reading the thing for so long because, quite frankly, it's a horror-mystery violent murder kind of story. My stomach for this genre has been gradually fading over the years. It's a good read, just dark and disturbing in places. I'll be glad to be done with it.

Other items tossed around my apartment with bookmarks in them: The Politically Incorrect Guide to Darwinism and Intelligent Design, The Nature of Number, and Devices of the Soul. I know, sad, sad taste in recreational reading.

I've also downloaded Richard Dawkins's 1991 Royal Institution Christmas lectures. This is a series of lectures given by scientists in the UK for children. It started with Michael Faraday back in the day (19th century, I guess). Anyway, Dawkins has made his lectures available online. It is amazing to watch an Oxford professor trying to connect with a lecture theater filled with children. It is disconcerting to watch him tell them that there is no creation in the universe until late in its history (i.e., after we arrive and start creating). It's rather like telling a room full of children that there is no Father Christmas (only worse, if you happen to believe in God, like, say, I do). This is the same man who says labeling a child "Christian" or "Hindu" is akin to child abuse. I've only watched the first two of the five letures, and a sense of fairness compels me to finish them (that and, despite his rabid atheism, he is a charming and engaing communicator), but scientism (as opposed to science) seems to be the order of the day.

On more mundane viewing, my friend Patti has kept me supplied with tapes of The Office, so I am current on one TV show! That's probably enough (although I'd really, really like to be seeing Heroes in real time).

Well, enough snore-fest trivia of my doings and happenings.

PS - I just checked out four more books while I was here at the library posting this. I think I may have a problem...

CSI Lincoln

"Damnit, Wren, that was evidence," the sergeant barked.

I looked up from my half-eaten Krispy Kreme. Sure, this kitchen was a crime scene, but it was obvious the victim had not died because he had eaten a poisoned donut. The bloody body with the detached head (87.5 cm away from the severed neck, I had measured it) suggested that, maybe, decapitation was the cause of death. That or explosive gas pressure, but that was too horrible to contemplate. The UV blood sniffers didn't detect any blood on the closed box of donuts (let alone inside said box). The victim, one Mr. Samuel E. Perkins, age 47, lived alone. The donuts were going to go to waste, which would have been the second crime committed on these premise in the past twenty-four hours. And besides, I had skipped breakfast. Again.

"I dunno, Sarge," I began, between bites of my Chocolate-Iced Creme-Filled delight, "I think finding a large, sharp object covered in blood might be evidence. This, this is just a little taste of heaven." I held the box out to him, "Want one?"

John Kemeny

The BASIC programming language gets much grief from the hacker elite who dream in C++, Java, C#, and other object-oriented monster languages. The truth is that many of the computer professionals of today cut their teeth on some version of BASIC. Indeed, Microsoft's Visual Basic is arguably the most successful language in the world for hobbyists as well as numerous Windows consultants.

BASIC was born on May 1, 1964, at Dartmouth College. The brain child of John Kemeny and Thomas Kurtz, two math professors. Tom is still alive, but John Kemeny died back in '92. Both names were, perhaps, mentioned in my old high school data processing class (circa 1983), but "mentioned" is as far as it went.

John Kemeny was a Hungarian immigrant to the US. He worked for Richard Feynman during the development of the bomb at Los Alamos (this was before Kemeny had even finished his undergrad degree). While in graduate school at Princeton, he was the mathematics research assistant to Albert Einstein. After co-creating BASIC, he went on to become a President of Dartmouth (but insisted on being allowed to teach a couple of classes each semester). Kemeny was the leader of the commission that investigated The Three Mile Island accident. He died on December 26, 1992, at the age 66 of unexpected heart failure.

Why share an outline sketch of a life that passed so many years ago? I think because I stumbled across the following when doing some research on the history of programming languages, and it made me want to remember. After John Kemeny's death, this was written in the Dartmouth Alumni Magazine: "The newspaper said John G. Kemeny, 13th president of Dartmouth College, died of heart failure. Clearly this was a mistake. John Kemeny's heart never failed anyone."

Further research confirmed that this man, who is mostly known for a maligned product, but whose intellectual biography is as impressive as any in the 20th century, was remembered by those who knew him as someone who's "heart never failed anyone." That line haunts me, maybe because I know that when my life is over it will not be true of me. But perhaps, like Scrooge, there is still time to redeem the life that remains.

Postscript - What did Kemeny think of himself? When he handed over the office of president of Dartmouth to his successor he made this comment: "History alone will be able to judge whether my presidency was good or what my record is worth, but there is one thing I do know for certain: I'm one hell of a good teacher."

On Finding an Empty Plastic Bag Where I Really Expected to Find a Soul

What colour the little scream,
that proceeds all day from my heart,
as silent as a tomb and as large as the universe?

astral ball bearings,
greased lightly with faux mirth,
falling through the web of self-lies and forgotten stories.

madness claims each tomorrow,
a dark sun rising over an infinite jest.

Scanner Vote

Anyone have any input on which would be a better replacement for a dead Minolta PS 3000 scanner: ether a Plustek Omnibook 3600 or an HP Scanjet 5590?

Yet Another T-Shirt To Blow Money On

The sad flashbacks of the middle-aged geek:



More details at the site.

Restroom Story: You've Been Warned

So, I notice this guy on campus, an undergrad student, wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Buddha that read "Rub My Belly for Good Luck." Ok, yes, Buddha would think it's funny, especially on a conservative Bible college campus. I wanted to say something when I first saw him, but something in me said "wait." Since that's the same something that keeps me from sticking my finger in the spinning blade of a fan (well, there was the one time that sense failed me... but, another story, another time), I opted for listening to it. As Buddha would have it, ten minutes later this student was standing at the next urinal over. I turn and say, "I'm sorry, but this really doesn't seem like the time or place to reach over and rub your belly." I'd like to say that rendered him speechless, but he fires back "I appreciate that." "Still," says I, "wearing Buddha on a Bible college campus, that's pretty gutsy." "Uh-huh," he returns. "Well, have a nice day!" I smile. The student then left the restroom fairly quickly.

I'm not sure whether this story is more Funny, Creepy, or Pointless. But it's been forever since I've shared any bathroom humor on this site... (and too long since I've posted anything. If this is what I'm reduced to, I may as well close this blog now).

The Night Before...

Tomorrow, at long last, is the open house for the remodeled library. One more day and all of this madness will be over. It's been... hmm, well, not exactly fun. But the place looks great! (Note to self: post pictures for the terminally curious).

On a completely different note, a conversation today brought forth the phrase "theoretical drunkenness" which I thought was a Grand Idea. I googled the phrase, and it came up with no hits! Ok, it's too cool to go to waste, so I'm going to make an otherwise empty blog just to capture the phrase. If you're truly terminal in your curiosity, check out Theoretical Drunkenness (actually, please don't).

Can't Stop Me Now

This weekend my brakes failed. Not totally, just mostly. I was in traffic. In Bloomington. I had the kids with me. Not fun. Thankfully, we made it home in one piece and my car is at the mechanic's.

On the positive side, we found 1 GB usb drives for $10 at Office Max, so I was able to make some amends for the techno-woes of the week before.

We're in full force here at the library, moving towards an Open House on the 9th. All of which to say, I need to get back to shelf construction...

Oh, I caught disc 1 of season 2 of "My Name is Earl" last night. Fun!

Save the Cheerleader, Save the World

I've caught the Heroes bug. A friend of mine loaned me the DVDs and I watched all seven discs in the space of a day and a half. My favorite character is Mohinder Suresh (followed by Charlie and Molly). I don't want to talk plot because spoilers are bad. Am I the only one who sees this show as seriously addicting?

Techno Woes

One expected, one not (the latter one being, predictably, my fault). Firstly, my notebook died. Well, strictly speaking its video died. It was to be expected. I paid $75 for it a few years back (obviously used). Unfortunately, it died while I was giving a presentation in a class. Typical.

The other woe... well, let's skip to the lesson learned. USB drives (thumb drives, flash drives, whatever you choose to call them) do not survive the laundry very well. Always check the pockets. I know that, but I got lazy. Now in the space of four days I'm two toys short of a full box.

On the other hand, I have moderately ok health, better than average working conditions, and good friends and family. I have Internet access, a roof over my head, enough of a weight problem to be able to claim "well-fed," and access to almost any book I could ever want.

On Zaphod's third hand, oh, wait... he's not real (never mind).

Finally, A Self-Help Book for Me!

Bullet Points

• I read The Flight of Peter Fromm this past weekend. It's about a young fundamentalist who attends a liberal seminary. It's an older book, but an amazingly great read! Highly recommended to anyone who's been to seminary, might go to seminary, believes in the Christian faith, or knows some one who believes in Christianity (does that cover most everyone?) It does not come out on the side of conservative faith, but I still found it very affirming. If you read (or have read) it, let me know what you think (unless it destroys your faith, and then, I apologize in advance... but it really did pull me closer to faith in Christ, which is strange, given the story...)
  

• I've watched some of the bonus features on the Serenity Collector's Edition. And I've found a lot of cool Serenity stuff on cafepress (now, if only I could afford to waste money on cool stuff at cafepress).
  

• Palm announced that, after all the hype, they are not going to make their Foleo (kind of a sub-notebook that's not really a notebook but would work really well for me), which means I have one less item to covet (that's a good thing, right?) Still, it was a sweet little piece of vaporware...
  

• Our library is functional but still not finished... even my office is in a state of semi-disrepair. It's not an altogether bad place to be, though.
  

• I have my kids this coming weekend (very good!) and then, on the following weekend, a visit to the homelands to be reunited with my comrades from high school (also very good!) Another plain glass bottle of the local root beer, eh, Morgan?
  

• I also watched the $5 Walmart Batman the Movie DVD. You know, with Adam West (the real Batman). I was just going to pass it by, but when I saw the audio commentary was West and co-star Burt Ward, I knew I really, really wanted to experience it. Funnier than you'd think, but not as funny as I had hoped. Still, Frank Gorshin's Riddler always makes me laugh.
  

Someday, I'll start thinking again and write something that's almost worth reading. Until then, thank you kindly for your continued patronage!

Blatant Advert

StarOffice, Sun's commercial version of the runaway open source office suite OpenOffice, is now available for free (for Windows users) via Google's Google Pack. Google Pack is an amazing selection of free software lovingly selected by the always cutting edge cats at Google to provide Windows users with the best software money can't buy. If you're looking for an office suite and have not jumped on the OpenOffice bandwagon yet, give StarOffice a try.

Looking for... what?

How has escapism helped? Is reading fiction escapism? Is dreaming escapism? Is hope? Does fantasy have a place in the life of a critical realist? How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? How many demons can run in the memory of a server? What does "I'm peachy" mean from someone who doesn't like peaches? What, ultimately, isn't natural? Are some foods supernatural in origin? If McDonald's isn't natural, does that make it supernatural? McManna? Natural vs. Supernatural or Natural vs. Artificial. Unless you're eating outside off the carcass or the vine or branch, some human artifice has likely been involved. Supernatural - God's artifice. Artificial - human artifice. So what's natural? When God and humans stay out of it? If you believe in God, how can anything not be supernatural? If you don't, how can humanity be anything but natural? Wishing you were all here...

Stardust and Other Quick Tidbits

Stardust the movie was different from Stardust the novel. Usually, that means the movie was bad ("I can't believe how they ruined such a great book!"). In the case of Stardust, however, we have a great movie loosely based on a great book, and they both are very good for what they are!

In other movie news, the collector's edition of Serenity is coming out this month. Bloody marketing departments...

Bookwise, William Gibson has released Spook Country, so I need to get my name on the public library list asap. Gibson's 1984 debut novel Neuromancer won three major science fiction awards (as well as introducing the word "cyberspace" into the English language). While there was cyberpunk fiction before Neuromancer (both actual cyberpunk like Rudy Rucker's Software, as well as proto-cyberpunk, like John Brunner's Shockwave Rider), Neuromancer provides a highly visible successful starting point for framing the cyberpunk movement (Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash is, arguably, the last great cyberpunk novel. It was published in 1992).

Elsewise, the remodeling nightmare continues to become more and more Freddy Krueger-like. I'm still emphatically hopeful that come Halloween, we'll have a Very Pretty library... otherwise, I hope the library slashes me sooner rather than later. Well, it's not really as bad as all that (but some moments it feels that it is ;-)

White Wolf's Changeling the Lost is due out this week. The first version of Changeling was (as I've mentioned before) my favorite rpg that I never played. However, I've heard very bad things about White Wolf's reboot of their World of Darkness, so I will admit to being a bit afraid of what Changeling will look like this go-round.

Oh, and speaking of gaming, another bit of my childhood dies. As of issue 359, Wizards of the Coast has decided to end the publication of Dragon magazine. In my early days of pre-Internet gaming, Dragon is what connected me to the wider world of D&D. While I know monthly dead-tree pulps are no longer the primary source of news for hip young wired gamers, I will confess to having felt a bit of sadness at the news. Call me a dinosaur if you will (and "velociraptor" if you please), but I still like flipping through magazines.

Well, beyond my old man's aches and pains, I got nothing more, so... later, gang!

panic

the pounding of my heart
is strangling me.
harder to breathe,
to think,
to see and hear and touch...
each beat
and my head goes
blank,
i feel nothing but panic:
ice cold
and sweating.
i swallow a lungful of air,
and then...
another heartbeat.

i want to run,
to scream,
to explode,
to hide,
to faint,
(my hands won't stop shaking)
everything seems
a million miles away:
the sounds,
the sights,
every thing is fleeing,
everything except the fear:
i feel it
with every nerve,
all too close,
possession,
the demon of adrenaline
has me body, mind, and soul;
i smell its
overpowering stench,
my stomach is twisted and tight,
like my fists,
white-knuckled and clenched
(when they open, they keep shaking)
i cry,
breathing in sobbing gasps,
and then...
another... damned... heartbeat

Quick Update

Out sick... county fair weekend with the kids (and rain)... finished HP7 and a re-read of Stardust and almost finished with The Dawkins Delusion?... the re-modeling will not likely be finished before the students get here... took XP off my machine at home (so now it's 100% slack)...

Laughing, singing, walking... dizzy, delighted, delirious... Wandering and wondering, not so much waiting as being (maybe...)

Unsuffer Me

A song from Lucinda Williams' most recent disc, West. No particular reason I'm posting it, except that I like the lyrics. Like most good love songs, this could be the soul's cry to God.

Unlock my love
and set me free
come fill me up
with ecstasy

surround my heartbeat
with your fingertips
unbound my feet
untie my wrists

come in to my world
of loneliness
and wickedness
and bitterness
Unlock my love

Unsuffer me
Take away the pain
Unbruise unbloody
Wash away the stain
Anoint my head
With your sweet kiss
My joy is dead
I long for bliss

I long for knowledge
Whisper in my ear
Undo my logic, undo my fear
Unsuffer me

Unlock my love
And set me free
come fill me up
with ecstasy
unsuffer me
Take away the pain
Unbruise unbloody
Wash away the stain

surround my heartbeat
with your fingertips
unbound my feet
untie my wrists

come in to my world
of loneliness
and wickedness
and bitterness
Anoint my head
With your sweet kiss
My joy is dead
I long for bliss

I long for knowledge
Whisper in my ear
Undo my logic, undo my fear
Unsuffer me

What I Won't Post

A strange dialog between Daria Morgendorffer and Eric Cartman pretty much wrote itself as I was staring at an empty Notepad document. Unfortunately, Cartman got a little crude (as usual) and I really feel it necessary to censor the post. Basically, it was a post-breakup discussion after Daria dumped Cartman (yeah, I know, I know... how could it have ever been in the first place? That was answered as well).

In other news... well, there is no other news. You may return to your life, completely unaffected by what you haven't read here.

What Do Other People Really Think About You?

The conversation between myself, one of my sisters, and my children, as the kids and I were taking off after this past weekend's visit down to Southern Illinois:

Me: Well, we're not going to go straight to [the kid's mom's house]. I'll probably take a few side trips along the way.

Sister (to my kids): Is your dad adventurous?

Kids (with more than a hint of exasperation ): Yes!

Son: Dad's like a cross between Peter Pan, a monkey, and a mad scientist.

Sister: Well, I can see Peter Pan and a mad scientist, but I don't get the monkey.

Me: You know, Darwin.

Sister: Oh, right, the monkey from the Wild Thornberry's. I can see that.

Me: I meant Charles Darwin, the theory of evolution?

Son: No, I meant Dad acts like a monkey.

St. Jude

No, not the patron saint of lost causes (although that would be terribly appropriate for me), but Jude Milhon, known far and wide in the geek communities as "St. Jude." A talented programmer and counter-cultural icon, she is attributed with coining the terms "cypherpunk" and, more famously, "hippie." (At least so claims the Wikipedia). Although a native Midwesterner, she was definitely part of her adopted California culture (can you say "Berkeley"?)

Today marks the fourth anniversary of her death. She is missed by those who knew her, as well as those of us who only knew of her.

Quotes (again, lifted from Wikipedia):

"Hacking is the clever circumvention of imposed limits, whether imposed by your government, your IP server, your own personality, or the laws of physics." — St. Jude

"If we can't have sanity, we can fake it with humor. Humor gives you the same distance from the situation, the same metaview, only laughing is easier than sanity and possibly more fun." — St. Jude

The Sermon I Need to Hear Today

"...the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom."
---Koheleth

Why am I so stupid? Probably because I haven't traveled very far down the path of wisdom. In fact, it's safe to say that I usually take a couple initial steps down the path, and then I turn back and follow more comfortable paths: the path of reason, the path of self-reliance, the path of pleasure, the path of despair, really, any path but the one that will actually get me somewhere that I want to be.

It's not that the path is hidden. God Almighty has spoken His Word, incarnated His Word, and sent His Spirit. Humility. "Islam" means submission, which would be a great name for a religion. Submitting humbly to the Creator and Ruler of the Universe, the One whose holiness judges you and whose love redeems you. Sounds easy. Why do I always flee from that path?

Because it's not so easy, at least not for me. Humble submission means accepting that God is God. Easy enough under a clear blue sky on a gentle spring day. Trickier under the smoking ruins of a 9/11 or the muddy, bloody aftermath of a tsunami or a Katrina. God is God Almighty. He could prevent these things. In His wisdom, He doesn't.

But I usually can't accept that. So I backtrack off the path of the fear of the LORD and head down the path of reason. I invent explanations for why bad things happen (or, more often, seek the arguments of others). God allows free will, so bad things happen. God does not know free future events, so bad things can happen and surprise Him. He can change His mind in response to changing events. (Ah, the open theists help make this line of reasoning so much easier...)

Or, perhaps, God has already predestined the good from the bad, and everything is working out as it should for the best possible way. This might sound like humility, but I think that this kind of Calvinism is also a form of the path of reason. We argue that God has a plan, if only we could see it. And this plan involves some people dying in horrible ways and other people going through fates worse than death.

Or we argue that God does not cause the bad things, nor allow them for His master plan, but they happen because we live in a fallen universe. And God, whose will cannot be thwarted, finds a way to make all things right. He draws straight with crooked lines, as Chesterton once quipped.

But... the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom. God is God. God Almighty. Whatever happens happens by His divine allowance. And that is good and right, for He is God. Why does He allow evil? Because He is limited, because He is cruel, because it fits into a Master Plan? Maybe the answer is to trust in God. He laid the foundations of creation at the beginning of time. He has promised a final consummation of history with a new heaven and a new earth.

Who am I to ask why some small moment in history occurs the way it did? I, who know there is a Creator, but live too often like there is not. I, who spit in the face of redemption by wallowing once more in the mud of sin. I do not live out fully the answers and callings He has put before me in His Word, why should I expect to understand those things He has kept hidden? Like Job, I am ashamed of my arrogance. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, but it is only the beginning. How much closer to being a saint would I be if only I could stay on that path?

Instead, I too often answer His question to Job like a good modern: "I am a human being. And yet, if I could, I would spare people the loss of their loved ones, I would spare their innocence from the touch of the predator. If I was in charge of all nature, then all disaster would be unnatural, for I would end hurricanes and floods and earthquakes. Why can I be so good, so compassionate, so caring for these strangers I've never met, and You, their Perfect Creator, let all of this happen to them?"

The path of arrogance. Why, if I were even Superman, let alone God, I would do more than Yahweh seems to want to do. The path of arrogance, the exact opposite of the path of wisdom.

And it's not just the question of evil. Why demand faith in an invisible, inaudible, undetectable, unverifiable deity? If I were God, people would know it. I would not hide from them. If I expected them to be in awe before me, I would give them undeniable evidence that I am awe-worthy. Not just for 30 years to a small rural backwater of the Roman empire, but always. Why does He hide?

And, of course, there are theological answers. The path of reason steps up to the plate. We step in as God's lawyers, defending Him to His critics. God needs a lawyer? Is the path of reason a side street leading to the path of arrogance?

The fear of the LORD. I distract myself from that. There are issues to discuss, to address. Even ministries to do, time is short, I gotta get moving... for Jesus, of course. My Friend, My Redeemer, My Co-pilot. Co-pilot? Can I even fly the plane at all? Do I look to that still small voice and experience fear: awe, reverence, humble submission, trust? Sometimes. But, sadly, usually not. God calls for my effort, my best... like an athlete, I got to step it up a notch to reach for the prize (hey, even Paul said something like this, right?)

Martha, He said, Mary has chosen the one needful thing.

Is there no place for thinking, for reasoning, for activity, for serving? Of course there is. We are called to be the living body of the Word in this time and place. But not the living body of our will, not the living body of our plans. His body, His will, His plans. Everything we do must be done in the context of the road we're on. And there is only one road that leads where we say we want to go, the road of Mary, of reverent attention and humble submission to our God.

God, help me to bend my knee before you. Break my heart, my will, knock me off the way of pride and help me to begin---and remain--on the path of wisdom. In Christ's name I ask...

Nothing to See Here, Move Along

The library remodeling is at that "Things Appear to Be Moving Really Slowly" phase (and I'm feeling like I'm not moving much faster...)

Summer is a weird time to be a grown-up. As a kid, summer was magical (even though I was, and still am, a fan of autumn). Now, it just seems hot and humid and electric bills are too high and gas prices are too high. When I was younger, the heat didn't seem to matter so much. I understand the difference between being responsible for bills and being a child, and I truly have no desire to go back to any point in time. I like being where I'm at in life, I liked getting here (mostly), and I suspect I'll enjoy (most of) the future... except for the bad bits. But... where did summer magic go to? Is it like other childish things, something one puts behind, or is it just misplaced, waiting to be found behind some forgotten box of memories yet to be?

PS - Retraction to the Slackware Store being insecure. It's plenty fine secure. My browser must've been balking at things that day :-)

Why I Am So Sick and Tired All the Time

The four basic food groups:
Caffeine, sugar, salt, and fat.

The perfectly balanced meal:
Mountain Dew and Doritos.

Another Week, Another Pint

Welcome to this week (or the second day of this week if you keep time the traditional Christian way, rather than the secular work-week way). I have nothing to say, except that I am grateful to be here, at this time and place, and to know those of you whom I know (which, at various levels, is all of you). I hope this day provides some pleasant surprise for each of you!

Temporary "Promotion"

Self-appointed benevolent dictator for life (well, a couple of weeks anyway!)


Actually, there's no way on earth I'd want to be the director. Not my kind of calling, I'm afraid. I'll stay in my Spock/Riker role, thank you very much! (Riker's beard, Spock's heart, for those interested
:-)

Slack News

Slackware 12 release candidate 1 is out!

I actually thought I might pre-order the thing, to show my support for all of Pat's hard work. Imagine my shock to find the Slackware online store to have a little slash through the lock on the screen where it asked for my credit card number! Um, unencrypted, insecure financial transactions are not my First Choice in ways to make my money disappear. I'll have to find some other way to transfer my money into the project... Historically, when I've purchased official releases, I've bought them from cheapbytes.com, but lately cheapbytes hasn't been carrying the official discs.

Anyway, Slack 12 will dispense with the 2.4 kernel and be a 2.6 only release (or so I've been led to believe). This is good news, since Slack is just about the only major distro still defaulting to 2.4. My only concern is that my aging Handspring Visor doesn't work so well with a USB cradle under 2.6. Serial is fine. USB under 2.4 is fine. I've got both cradles, so I'm covered, but it'd be nice to stick the serial cradle up into the closet forever. Oh well, it's time to move into the 21st century, for me and my OS (just call me Epithemeus)

Library Remodeling Steals Blogger's Valuable Time!

The headline says it all... But scanning the circle of bloggers I read, it seems everyone else is Being Busy as well. I'm working on a couple of posts at home (but I've also been watching classic Trek season 1, as loaned to me by the recently promoted Commander J.H. Stein of the US Navy; congrats, dude, you richly deserve it!! And thanks for the loan :-)

OK, the remodeling. Here's my office. Well, the Section of Space Formerly Known As My Office. If you look next to the door, you can see the inside of the book return where books (and other objects) would drop into my office at odd times. Happy note: they removed the book return today, so when my office is rebuilt it won't double as a book drop!


And here's our old circulation desk, well, half of it...


I'm going to miss that desk. I spent many happy hours there as a student worker. The plans for the new desk are pretty cool, though.

Anyway, I hope to get back to kender and drow and necromancers Real Soon Now!

Checking the Calendar of Saints

June 3, The Feast Day of Saint Morgan Adanon of Tashkent,
Patron saint of high-level gamers, spider slayers, and drinkers of rum

Happy St. Morgan's Day to y'all!

This is the day traditionally ascribed to the birth of that near legendary figure, Morgan Adanon, Duke of Tashkent. While the tales of Morgan's deeds as an adventurer par excellance are well-known to every man, woman, and child in the Nine Realms, the circumstances leading to his canonization are less known. In fact, many school children to this day do not associate Duke Adanon of the Ebon Blade with St. Morgan the Drow-Killer.

It happened in this way.

As popular legend records it, Duke Adanon was slain in battle against the foul Dark Wizard Rhoghar Pyepr and his horde of mindless automatons. His body was ransomed to his family for an obscene amount of gold, but so great was the love of his people for the fallen duke that no price was too great. For seven weeks the people of Tashkent mourned him, for seven weeks his body lay in estate, held fast from decay by the workings of the duke's dear friend, the kender necromancer Quinn Reddghost. In time, he was buried and the world continued without its great champion, master of the Ebon Blade and spinner of song and spell.

In the spring, the combined forces of the Eastern Regents marched on Rhoghar's tower. The wizard sent out his automatons, but this time he was in for a rude surprise. A contingent of druids from the unallied Far Wildermost accompanied the armies of the Regents. Torrential rains and ginormous water elementals rendered the wizard's machines less than functional.

The following morning, the armies entered the wizard's now undefended tower. Expecting some resistance, Lord Kyle was perplexed that no magical traps, summoned demons, or other magics slowed their progress up to the tower's top, to Rhoghar's chamber. Upon entering the room, the party found the wizard dead, his throat sliced, a broken bottle of Captain Morgan's Dark Rum on the floor. Pardoo, Lord Kyle's confessor, was with that first group to find the wizard. He reports that the entire area was tinged with divine magic, and that the apparent suicide was the work of a god. The only question was, which one?

[Editor's note: this is all patently absurd. The implication that Morgan came back from the dead as some kind of lesser deity/saint-like entity is nonsense. The man is obviously not dead, even if he blogs less frequently than I. Nevertheless, I had to wish him a happy birthday somehow, and I, uh, forgot to get a card. Happy birthday, comrade Morgan!]

One More Sign of the Coming Apocalypse

The end of the Dewey Decimal System??? One more of the meager skills in my wretchedly pathetic skill set is becoming obsolete... the end of the world, or at least my world, is at hand.

On other fronts:

• Tomorrow's scheduled release of Fedora 7 will drop the "Core" from the name (and end the distinction between "core" and "extra.") Good move, Fedora. I'm looking forward to trying Fedora 7 (yes, Uncle Slacker is looking for a new distro... not because Slackware isn't great, but because having many, many packages of ready-to-run software is very good :-)
  

• Speaking of Linux, the Linux-sponsored car in the Indy 500 smashed big-time. Still, seeing the penguin on a car on ESPN was cool!
  

• The Open CD is a great collection of open source software for Windows users. Sure, you could search the web and gather it all yourself, but ISO images and broadband Internet can save the time for more World of Warcraft (or, with this crowd, MySpace ;-)
  

• I took the kids to see Pirates 3 on Monday (since it was a holiday, does it still count as opening weekend?) I'll forego a review as to not spoil anything, but if you haven't seen it, and you do go see it, stay around until after the credits. I think you'll be glad you did. (Even my six year old daughter, who loves Pirates but hates staying for credits, was glad she stayed this time!)

• My son joined Rob and I for our last game of Settlers of Catan, since Rob is leaving to start a new job in Northern Indiana. My eleven-year-old evil genius whooped both of us (laughing maniacally the entire time... cute, annoying, and disturbing all at once.) We played a second game to eliminate the "beginner's luck argument" and the boy genius didn't fare so well. Still, he enjoyed it enough that I think I may have to buy a copy.

• My favorite gaming system that I have never played is getting reincarnated! Of all of White Wolf's World of Darkness games, I loved the setting of Changeling the Dreaming the best. When White Wolf rebooted their World of Darkness, Vampire, Mage, and Werewolf came back immediately, but Changeling didn't seem to be in the cards. Now there's an August release for Changeling the Lost! I think that while I've resisted D&D 3.5, Serenity, and the hilarious (Insert Your Favorite Gaming System Here) for Dummies books (which seem like unconscious parodies to me!), I won't be able to resist the new Changeling. Well, everybody needs their own follies (I just happen to have more than my fair share.)

Later, I hope...

Random Song Quotes

"Port Royal to Tortuga, all the strumpets he would woo, a cross between Keith Richards and that skunk Pepe Le Pew" --Luke Ski, "You Don't Know Jack"

"Not much happening here, nothing ever does" --Bob Dylan, "I and I"

"When you touch me, when you hold me, when you kiss me, it's just like Novocaine, I don't feel anything" --Alice Cooper, "Novocaine"

"I just want to be a lover, not a red-eyed screaming ghoul" --Blue Oyster Cult, "Black Blade"

"Just as I am, I am stiff-necked and proud, Jesus is for losers, why do I still play to the crowd?" --Steve Taylor, "Jesus is for Losers"

"Are we figments of our gin, are we long-lost orphan kin, or the mad descendants of our writer's pen?" --Escape Key, "Girl That's Never Been"

"Take my love, take my land, take me where I cannot stand" --Firefly theme

"No good deed goes unpunished, no act of charity goes unresented" --Wicked soundtrack, "No Good Deed"

For what it's worth, the last one is my current ringtone. And, no, there's no hidden message in here, unless you're John Nash, and then, go for it!

Life at the Moment

Um, end of the semester, sick kids, crazy remodeling plans at work, general craziness at work, wardrobe gradually falling to bits, sleeplessness, weird dreams, headaches, old age, kid with detention, too many borrowed books and movies, a sinking realization of my own total depravity (damn Calvin!)

Blue skies, spring breezes, kids laughing, new sneakers, blackberry jelly, hawks on road signs, trees and trees and more trees, long walks, music, lifelong friends, a grateful and growing awareness of the gift of grace and freedom (thank God!)

What's This?!? A Post???

Long time, no blog, eh? But a scan of y'all's blogs reveal I'm not the only slacker 'round these parts. Maybe you've moved your net lives to MySpace, or maybe Real Life(TM) is actually more interesting than swapping electrons with virtualities? I hope that whatever is going on, that everyone is healthy and happy and full of rainbow bliss (just shoot me now, I've got that damned rosy-eyed optimism thing happening at the moment... 'Had a good day.' 'You had the Alliance on you. Criminals and savages. Half the people on this ship have been shot or wounded, including youself, and you're harboring known fugitives. 'Well, we're still flying.' 'That's not much.' 'It's enough.')

Generic life update: not much happenin' here (well, actually, that's almost 100% false, but let's just let sleepin' dogs lie, shall we?) The semester careens madly towards its inevitable end, Yet Another Graduation. The relative calm of summer is only mildly threatened by those not-so sleeping dogs that we shall continue to tip-toe around. "Work" is, as my Uncle Trapspringer use to say, a completely different word than "play" (actually, my uncle never said that since there is no word for "work" in the kender language. The closest we get is the phrase "involuntary action with pain and/or boredom." Gnomish. on the other hand. has twelve different words that translate to "work" in Common.)

My reading's been all over the place. Most recently, a little book by Peter Kreeft titled Prayer for Beginners. Kreeft, a philosophy professor at Boston College, provides a clear and engaging introduction to prayer that is of value even if you've been praying for years (especially if, like me, you've been at it for years but still feel like an amateur!) I am, of course, biased, as Dr. Kreeft is my favorite living philosopher, but for a book weighing in at 124 pages, it is the work of a few hours (less for some of you) to devour.

I see Twin Peaks season two everywhere, but I can't seem to find season one sitting around in stores. I'm still debating whether I actually want to own that show or just re-visit it. Quark is still not available on DVD even though EVERYTHING else is (hello, Dungeons and Dragons the Animated Series, complete with edition 3.5 stats for those wretched brats! As a former valley elf, "gag me with a mace!" and get Richard Benjamin's greatest role onto disc already!)